I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Congratulations! We have a period
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
