absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
