I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
