Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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