Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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