That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
