woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
