how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
