this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
