dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
