Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
