Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i dont even know how to be here
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
