i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
