I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
