I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
