ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
