hotel room ftw
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
