i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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