I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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