It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
