Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize