Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
