i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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