and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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