Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
