I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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