I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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