Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
