I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
