I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
