I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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