Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
