i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
