weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
