Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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