I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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