listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
