It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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