Why does Corona taste like a burp?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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