Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
