I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
