clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
