So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
