new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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