I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's blow job season.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
