it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
