i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
