You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if only i could text you this smell
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
