Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
love makes seman taste better
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
