Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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