So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
