You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize