You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Everyone says I win the strip club
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
