i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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