If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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