I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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