Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
