Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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