I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
