i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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