dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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