pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
