my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
