Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize