Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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