im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
