My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
