he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
