Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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