New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
