I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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