the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
