My room smells like vodka and shame
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
